| [ Download PDF file version ] | ||
|
A |
THE DAILY EPSILON |
PUBLISHED Whenever we feel like it, okay? |
|
1977 |
Wouldn't it be nice if Epsilon (the magazine of international opinion) had 50,000,000 READERS |
No Sex |
SHOCK AND HORROR carved a palpitating path across sleepy suburbia today when a feared Jack Russell Terrier escaped from the sandwich pen at Luigi's Bar and Grill. Mrs. Eva Dull (103) of 26, Halfbrick Road, spoke of her terrible ordeal.
APPALLING RUBBISH
"I was hanging up my smalls, and wondering who was going to forget their lines in Crossroads this evening, when suddenly I heard this hideous whimpering sound. I looked down and there was this Jack Russell not five feet away, hiding behind a grass blade and gazing up at me with its big brown watery eyes. It was such a shock, I had to rush indoors and restore my shattered nerves with a couple of dozen bottles of cooking gin."
ATROCIOUS SPELLING
Tonight police armed with machine bazookas and portable barbecue units had the tiny terrier cornered in Corrugated Iron Lane.